I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
