Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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