i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
