I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
