brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
