If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize