Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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