Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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