Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
