he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He? As in you personified your dick?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
