In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
