Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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