Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
