Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
