I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
