Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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