Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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