even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
