My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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