she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
