vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
