Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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