Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
