Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
