sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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