alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
