I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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