This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
