yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
