Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
