I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
there is glitter all over my balls
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
