Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
