I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
