I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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