Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
