I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
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I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm too high and old for this...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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