My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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