Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
