I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
