Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
