That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
