Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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