Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
