You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
