apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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