Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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