I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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