I wish I could teleport
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
