This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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