Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
