He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
