I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
