Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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