Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
