We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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