They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
