For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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