I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
