Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
