Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
