I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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