You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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