its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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