Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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