so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
